Hey, I want to ask
Am I too much? Can you just
Be honest with me
I got somethins to say
i already fED you
IRRELEVANT
(via zackisontumblr)
when george h.w. bush was naming george w. bush he was like you can have most of my name… but i’m keeping herbert. ok bro 😂😂
(via rachkin)
my kitty cat was wandering around going ‘mrrph?” so i was like “in here!” he goes “mrrph!” shoves open my bedroom door with his big round head and FLOPS on me. as in hard enough that he made a little “oof” noise when he did it. followed by a category five purring event. there’s good in this world mr frodo etc
(via rachkin)
on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.
No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.
(via shirleyjacksons)
Kim Addonizio, from “Happiness Report,” in Now We’re Getting Somewhere [ID in alt text]